In a small town in India , a person decided to open up his Bar business, which was right opposite to the Temple . The Temple & its congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.
Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground.
The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities on the grounds that the Temple through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:
I don ' t know how I ' m going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn't.
Former President of India APJ Abdul Kalam : 'A Leader Should Know How to Manage Failure'
Kalam: Let me tell you about my experience. In 1973 I became the project director of India's satellite launch vehicle program, commonly called the SLV-3. Our goal was to put India's "Rohini" satellite into orbit by 1980. I was given funds and human resources -- but was told clearly that by 1980 we had to launch the satellite into space. Thousands of people worked together in scientific and technical teams towards that goal.
By 1979 -- I think the month was August -- we thought we were ready. As the project director, I went to the control center for the launch. At four minutes before the satellite launch, the computer began to go through the checklist of items that needed to be checked. One minute later, the computer program put the launch on hold; the display showed that some control components were not in order. My experts -- I had four or five of them with me -- told me not to worry; they had done their calculations and there was enough reserve fuel. So I bypassed the computer, switched to manual mode, and launched the rocket. In the first stage, everything worked fine. In the second stage, a problem developed. Instead of the satellite going into orbit, the whole rocket system plunged into the Bay of Bengal. It was a big failure.
That day, the chairman of the Indian Space Research Organization, Prof. Satish Dhawan, had called a press conference. The launch was at 7:00 am, and the press conference -- where journalists from around the world were present -- was at 7:45 am at ISRO's satellite launch range in Sriharikota [in Andhra Pradesh in southern India]. Prof. Dhawan, the leader of the organization, conducted the press conference himself. He took responsibility for the failure -- he said that the team had worked very hard, but that it needed more technological support. He assured the media that in another year, the team would definitely succeed. Now, I was the project director, and it was my failure, but instead, he took responsibility for the failure as chairman of the organization.
The next year, in July 1980, we tried again to launch the satellite -- and this time we succeeded. The whole nation was jubilant. Again, there was a press conference. Prof. Dhawan called me aside and told me, "You conduct the press conference today."
I learned a very important lesson that day. When failure occurred, the leader of the organization owned that failure. When success came, he gave it to his team. The best management lesson I have learned did not come to me from reading a book; it came from that experience
By 1979 -- I think the month was August -- we thought we were ready. As the project director, I went to the control center for the launch. At four minutes before the satellite launch, the computer began to go through the checklist of items that needed to be checked. One minute later, the computer program put the launch on hold; the display showed that some control components were not in order. My experts -- I had four or five of them with me -- told me not to worry; they had done their calculations and there was enough reserve fuel. So I bypassed the computer, switched to manual mode, and launched the rocket. In the first stage, everything worked fine. In the second stage, a problem developed. Instead of the satellite going into orbit, the whole rocket system plunged into the Bay of Bengal. It was a big failure.
That day, the chairman of the Indian Space Research Organization, Prof. Satish Dhawan, had called a press conference. The launch was at 7:00 am, and the press conference -- where journalists from around the world were present -- was at 7:45 am at ISRO's satellite launch range in Sriharikota [in Andhra Pradesh in southern India]. Prof. Dhawan, the leader of the organization, conducted the press conference himself. He took responsibility for the failure -- he said that the team had worked very hard, but that it needed more technological support. He assured the media that in another year, the team would definitely succeed. Now, I was the project director, and it was my failure, but instead, he took responsibility for the failure as chairman of the organization.
The next year, in July 1980, we tried again to launch the satellite -- and this time we succeeded. The whole nation was jubilant. Again, there was a press conference. Prof. Dhawan called me aside and told me, "You conduct the press conference today."
I learned a very important lesson that day. When failure occurred, the leader of the organization owned that failure. When success came, he gave it to his team. The best management lesson I have learned did not come to me from reading a book; it came from that experience
CONTROL ANGER
Many of us at times have been upset. Being upset is a part of life. Not all things will go the way you want them to go. When this upset turns to anger we must be careful how we handle ourselves.
Here are 4 steps to control your anger and have it vent in proper ways.
1. Count to 10 when you are getting upset. This is a normal way that we have all heard. We have heard it because it works if you practice it. Count to 10 and you may solve many of your outbursts before they happen.
2. Do something that is physically exerting. Instead of punching a wall or a person, go run around the house, or mow the yard. Go for a walk, swim, bikeride, or shoot some hoops. This can provide a physical outlet for your emotions.
3. Find something that is calming. Try deep breathing from your diaphragm. Take 10 deep calming breaths. This can be very soothing for most people. Combine this with step 1 and count to 10 slowly while breathing.
4. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. I am frustrated because you didn’t help with the housework, instead of You didn’t help me with the housework. This helps in multiple ways one is your way of thinking is a bit better and you also do not upset the other person so that both parties are angry. Which of course is not a good outcome for anyone.
You can combine multiple steps above to help alleviate anger. Don’t hold it in, but don’t blow up. Calm yourself down and talk about it by using step number 4 above. Go for a swim or a nice shower, and you can alleviate the stresses that cause unhealthy anger.
Here are 4 steps to control your anger and have it vent in proper ways.
1. Count to 10 when you are getting upset. This is a normal way that we have all heard. We have heard it because it works if you practice it. Count to 10 and you may solve many of your outbursts before they happen.
2. Do something that is physically exerting. Instead of punching a wall or a person, go run around the house, or mow the yard. Go for a walk, swim, bikeride, or shoot some hoops. This can provide a physical outlet for your emotions.
3. Find something that is calming. Try deep breathing from your diaphragm. Take 10 deep calming breaths. This can be very soothing for most people. Combine this with step 1 and count to 10 slowly while breathing.
4. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. I am frustrated because you didn’t help with the housework, instead of You didn’t help me with the housework. This helps in multiple ways one is your way of thinking is a bit better and you also do not upset the other person so that both parties are angry. Which of course is not a good outcome for anyone.
You can combine multiple steps above to help alleviate anger. Don’t hold it in, but don’t blow up. Calm yourself down and talk about it by using step number 4 above. Go for a swim or a nice shower, and you can alleviate the stresses that cause unhealthy anger.
It's A Challenge To Understand Others
It's A Challenge To Understand Others
Understanding is the basis for our ability to get along with other people, respectfully and cooperatively. Ignorance is the cause of a tremendous amount of pain between peoples, within families and even within the workplace. Although most of us would probably say that we want to understand others, particularly those close to us, it isn't always that easy.
Feelings such as impatience, fear, confusion, and anxiety or behaviors such as mind-reading. Pre-judging or jumping to conclusions often prevent us from being able to genuinely listen to and understand others.
We can never totally understand everyone all of the time. But, unless we learn to accept that, we will usually get panicky or uneasy feelings when we don't understand our spouses, children, bosses, or people who have different cultural roots or values than us. But we can get over much of this misunderstanding, if we work at it.
We must recognize, deal with and handle our feelings first, otherwise we generally have poor control over our actions. Feelings are triggered by beliefs and thoughts. When we feel impatience, we falsely believe that something has to be done right away. And, usually it doesn't. When we feel afraid, it is often false fear, based on our assumptions or beliefs that something bad will happen, even though, there's no evidence to support that belief. When we feel confused, or aren't sure what is happening around us, we want to take charge of everything.
New circumstances in our marriage or family, new neighbors, changes in our job, or changes in our neighborhood, can all throw us for a loop, but only if we let it happen. Most of the time when we are anxious, it's not about what has happened, but about our fear of what might happen. And, those fears turn out to be false almost all of the time.
A good example is the way many people oppose worthwhile projects in their neighborhoods, such as group homes or special care homes for the handicapped or the elderly. Without any evidence at all to support their anxiety, such people often rush down to City Council, complaining that it will affect their property values. I have no patience with such persons. They tend to be preoccupied with only one person, themselves. And they often forget the legitimate rights and needs of the persons for whom those projects are intended.
Mind-reading, prejudging and jumping to conclusions are all acts of impatience. A person assumes, and doesn't check things out. A person assumes the whole world must think and behave like him or her, and therefore prejudges other people before he or she gets to know them. Equally, in jumping to conclusions, they don't check out their facts or feelings with someone. They make a decision on very limited and usually false information. Those feelings that we don't recognize and understand, and the various faulty behaviors I've outlined, get us into trouble in many areas of our lives.
Marriages suffer when people let their faulty feelings rule their lives, and when they don't show respect and consideration to their spouse, by checking things out and understanding. Relationships with children equally suffer. When parents just communicate negative feelings to their children, and won't, and don't, listen, communication and understanding shuts down completely.
And, in communities, when neighbors or people of different cultures aren't willing to learn about and respect each other's view of life and of the world, understanding shuts down and tension builds up.
How then, can people understand others better? The first rule is to stop talking and preaching. Instead, listen and observe. The next rule is to talk about your concerns, but not in an attacking or a put-down way. Instead, share the areas where you realize you don't know enough about the other person, and then, most importantly, shut up and let them respond to what you have said. Get in touch with any of those stressful feelings I've talked about, as soon as they start to occur. In your head, challenge any thought or belief that is probably triggering those anxious or fearful feelings. If necessary, talk to someone else you trust and respect about your difficulty with those feelings.
And finally, recognize the common tendencies to mind-read, prejudge and jump to conclusions. All of us have done all of these at times in our lives, perhaps more often than we remember or want to admit to. But, if you think back to times you used them, you'll recognize that such actions did not help your feelings, the situation or your relationships with others. So the moment you get a whiff of any of those, old behaviors, open the window of your mind and air it out.
Understanding is the basis for our ability to get along with other people, respectfully and cooperatively. Ignorance is the cause of a tremendous amount of pain between peoples, within families and even within the workplace. Although most of us would probably say that we want to understand others, particularly those close to us, it isn't always that easy.
Feelings such as impatience, fear, confusion, and anxiety or behaviors such as mind-reading. Pre-judging or jumping to conclusions often prevent us from being able to genuinely listen to and understand others.
We can never totally understand everyone all of the time. But, unless we learn to accept that, we will usually get panicky or uneasy feelings when we don't understand our spouses, children, bosses, or people who have different cultural roots or values than us. But we can get over much of this misunderstanding, if we work at it.
We must recognize, deal with and handle our feelings first, otherwise we generally have poor control over our actions. Feelings are triggered by beliefs and thoughts. When we feel impatience, we falsely believe that something has to be done right away. And, usually it doesn't. When we feel afraid, it is often false fear, based on our assumptions or beliefs that something bad will happen, even though, there's no evidence to support that belief. When we feel confused, or aren't sure what is happening around us, we want to take charge of everything.
New circumstances in our marriage or family, new neighbors, changes in our job, or changes in our neighborhood, can all throw us for a loop, but only if we let it happen. Most of the time when we are anxious, it's not about what has happened, but about our fear of what might happen. And, those fears turn out to be false almost all of the time.
A good example is the way many people oppose worthwhile projects in their neighborhoods, such as group homes or special care homes for the handicapped or the elderly. Without any evidence at all to support their anxiety, such people often rush down to City Council, complaining that it will affect their property values. I have no patience with such persons. They tend to be preoccupied with only one person, themselves. And they often forget the legitimate rights and needs of the persons for whom those projects are intended.
Mind-reading, prejudging and jumping to conclusions are all acts of impatience. A person assumes, and doesn't check things out. A person assumes the whole world must think and behave like him or her, and therefore prejudges other people before he or she gets to know them. Equally, in jumping to conclusions, they don't check out their facts or feelings with someone. They make a decision on very limited and usually false information. Those feelings that we don't recognize and understand, and the various faulty behaviors I've outlined, get us into trouble in many areas of our lives.
Marriages suffer when people let their faulty feelings rule their lives, and when they don't show respect and consideration to their spouse, by checking things out and understanding. Relationships with children equally suffer. When parents just communicate negative feelings to their children, and won't, and don't, listen, communication and understanding shuts down completely.
And, in communities, when neighbors or people of different cultures aren't willing to learn about and respect each other's view of life and of the world, understanding shuts down and tension builds up.
How then, can people understand others better? The first rule is to stop talking and preaching. Instead, listen and observe. The next rule is to talk about your concerns, but not in an attacking or a put-down way. Instead, share the areas where you realize you don't know enough about the other person, and then, most importantly, shut up and let them respond to what you have said. Get in touch with any of those stressful feelings I've talked about, as soon as they start to occur. In your head, challenge any thought or belief that is probably triggering those anxious or fearful feelings. If necessary, talk to someone else you trust and respect about your difficulty with those feelings.
And finally, recognize the common tendencies to mind-read, prejudge and jump to conclusions. All of us have done all of these at times in our lives, perhaps more often than we remember or want to admit to. But, if you think back to times you used them, you'll recognize that such actions did not help your feelings, the situation or your relationships with others. So the moment you get a whiff of any of those, old behaviors, open the window of your mind and air it out.
